Addressing the Issue of Teen Suicide in the Family 

It is important to take the subject of suicide seriously. It doesn't seem right that a teenager, who has lived for such a short time, would choose to die. But adolescents who can't get over their depression sometimes do kill themselves.

Boys commit suicide more often than girls, but no one is immune. In one recent survey of high school students, 60 percent said they had thought about killing themselves. About 9 percent said they had tried at least once.

Why has the youth suicide rate gone so high in recent years?

• It's easier to get the tools for suicide (Boys often use firearms to kill themselves; girls usually use pills);
• the pressures of modern life are greater;
• competition for good grades and college admission is stiff; and
• there's more violence in the newspapers and on television.

Lack of parental interest may be another problem. Many children grow up in divorced households; for others, both of their parents work and their families spend limited time together. According to one study 90 percent of suicidal teenagers believed their families did not understand them. (However, this is such a common teenage complaint that other factors are playing a role, too.) Young people also reported that when they tried to tell their parents about their feelings of unhappiness or failure, their mother and father denied or ignored their point of view.

If your teenager has been depressed, you should look closely for signs that he or she might be thinking of suicide:

• Has his personality changed dramatically?
• Is he having trouble with a boyfriend/girlfriend? Or is he having trouble getting along with other friends or with parents? Has he withdrawn from people he used to feel close to?
• Is the quality of his schoolwork going down? Has he failed to live up to his own or someone else's standards (when it comes to school grades, for example)?
• Does he always seem bored, and is he having trouble concentrating?
• Is he acting like a rebel in an unexplained and severe way?
• Is she pregnant and finding it hard to cope with this major life change?
• Has he run away from home?
• Is your teenager using drugs and/or alcohol?
• Is she complaining of headaches, stomachaches, etc., that may or may not be real?
• Have his eating or sleeping habits changed?
• Has his or her appearance changed for the worse?
• Is he giving away some of his most prized possessions?
• Is he writing notes or poems about death?
• Does he talk about suicide, even jokingly? Has he said things such as, "That's the last straw," "I can't take it anymore," or "Nobody cares about me?" (Threatening to kill oneself precedes four out of five suicidal deaths.)
• Has he tried to commit suicide before?

If you suspect that your teenager might be thinking about suicide, do not remain silent. Suicide is preventable, but you must act quickly.

• Ask your teenager about it. Don't be afraid to say the word "suicide." Getting the word out in the open may help your teenager think someone has heard his cries for help.
• Reassure him that you love him. Remind him that no matter how awful his problems seem, they can be worked out, and you are willing to help.
• Ask her to talk about her feelings. Listen carefully. Do not dismiss her problems or get angry at her.
• Remove all lethal weapons from your home, including guns, pills, kitchen utensils and ropes.
• Seek professional help. Ask your teenager's pediatrician to guide you. A variety of outpatient and hospital-based treatment programs are available.

Finally, parents need to be as open and as attentive as possible to their adolescent children's difficulties. The most effective suicide prevention technique parents can exercise is to maintain open lines of communication with their children. Sometimes teens hide their problems, not wanting to burden the people they love. It is extremely important to assure teens that they can share their troubles, and gain support in the process. Parents are encouraged to talk about suicide with their children, and to educate themselves by forming study groups with other parents, or by attending parent-teacher or parent-counselor education sessions. Once trained, parents can help to staff a crisis hotline in their community. Parents also need to be involved in the counseling process if a teen has suicidal tendencies. These activities may both alleviate parents' fears of the unknown and assure teenagers that their parents care.

It is possible, through the coordinated actions of parents, peers, school personnel, Kiwanis and the community at large, to reverse the growing trend of teenage suicide. Counselors can make the difference, by providing the leadership and motivation to guide the efforts of youngsters and adults.